Should i phone my ex

I can't count the number of times that he was late for an occasion that we needed to be to, causing me extreme anxiety and then it wouldn't turn out well. Even though he had been married before, he just had a problem with commitment, and I'm not speaking marriage.

I don't need to be joined at the hip with someone, simply going to bed at night and waking up in the morning, telling someone you love them, and then both of you going about your about your day was enough for me. But he always told me that I needed more time.

I was totally smitten with this man and being the nurturer that I am, just wanted to love and take care of him. He was always honest with me and after a disagreement one day, he told me that if he was not making me happy that I should go and find someone who did. He didn't say this with any malice or criticism, he was being honest. That said, I always felt that it was in a way a cop out.

Or if we were in a disagreement about something and I would say, you're forcing me to do this or do that, he would say, I'm not forcing you to do anything. Total total lack of commitment on his part, but the good times that we had kept overshadowing more important things that I should have looked at. Instead I didn't and I actually became addicted to this man. I also think part of the problem was it I was not as secure in myself as I should have been.

But one would think that if you go out and do things, you think the same way, you have a great time and great chemistry, that you only want more of what you have, but not so with him.

It seems like we could do something and have a wonderful time and then that would be enough for him for a week. I ended up living with more of what he said vs. There are constant reminders around my home, and even though I have a lovely home, there are days where I just hate being in here by myself. I have unfriended him on Facebook and I called him a few days ago only because I was so ill.

I keep telling myself this time I cannot go back, because I find that it is become a toxic relationship for me. With every breakup he has texted it called many times. I just started therapy again a few weeks ago and my therapist actually told me that this is a way for the other person to stay linked to you even though you've broken up with them. It doesn't take much but to you to send a text or for them to see your pictures on Facebook.

I found it very hard to believe but apparently it's just a way for them to stay connected, and it's enough. I'm in bed for now almost 12 hours a day and even though I go to the gym, I usually go back to bed.

I just got a new job which I start in two weeks and God help me that I don't start having anxiety attacks in the workplace. What I'm so mad at myself is that I would be the first one to point out to one of my friends all the things that weren't working for them in this relationship, yes here I am and I feel like a needy hot mess.

I actually had coffee with a man last week who said he wanted to see me again, in a few hours later I was so sick to my stomach I thought I had the flu.

Obviously I need to grieve more, but I hate being alone, I absolutely hate it. I have very few friends and I don't want to be calling on them every few minutes. I think grieving someone who is still alive is actually worse than grieving someone who has died. If you're meant to be he should realise sooner rather than later. I would have an honest, no BS conversation with him if he rings you. Put all the cards on the table - what have you got to lose?

Is this truly the right person for you? Are you being treated in the way you want to be treated? But I don't believe someone can in 3 months - the time is too short. If I look back at my mindset and outlook from a year ago, 2 years ago I know I have definitely changed for the better.

I'm less jealous, more true to myself and a lot more mindful. I just want to say thank you for this article. I woke up this morning feeling very upset and had a burning desire to contact my ex. Reading through this made me realise that it is definitely not a good idea to reach out We had an amazing relationship whilst it lasted but I let her go. I had ample opportunities to reconnect, but I never truly committed. However, I cannot live in regret. A life full or regret it not a life worth living.

I've grown so much since we were together and feel as if we'd now make the perfect couple, but it's not meant to be. From all the articles I've read I know that I will find the one who I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. Holding onto something that's gone is not good for the soul. I love myself and will aim to improve myself every single day. It's been 3 months since my boyfriend and I broke up for good.

We were constantly fighting and breaking up and getting back together basically because we are older and didn't want to have to start over. I had enough and ended it. It was hard and I had a few setbacks but I felt like it was time to contact him to move on and be friends. I texted him and he called me immediately. OUr conversation was great and civil. We updated each other on our lives. I learned that he's not "living the wonderful life of sunshine and unicorns" that we all think our exes are living.

He said he's still lonely and doesn't have things to look forward to. I admitted I was lonely and that I never thought I would say that.

We both invited the other to call if we ever wanted to hang out. I felt good after the call, but I keep having irrational thoughts that maybe it could actually work this time. I know that people don't change, and that it wouldn't be long before he reverted back to his old ways and me to mine. Can we ever go back to the way it was in the beginning? I have always been a hopeful person but I know that if I call him and I don't get the response I want, I will be crushed. I "should" just wait to see if he ever calls.

Anyone have thoughts? A nonsense article at some point, the real fact for people break up is due to pride, in the name of pride war do start up, and so for relation breaking down,as couple always dream to find a greener field to pastor, this with time as years pass by with only remain an utopia in their heads, until eventually when they realize that years have passed by and not longer admired by any one else.

If a person was not happy in a relation and never truly appreciated the good time and care and affection, the same person will never appriciate in the future, no matter what. Even if they become richer in their second relation. This article is stupid. Everyone's situation is different. Just because they are an ex doesn't mean it couldn't work out. It depends on a ton of circumstances.

Yes, there must be something wrong with him that he can't appreciate how amazing I am. Yet, it is a hell not to call him--but I'm not. It's been a few months but I have been thinking about him the past few days.

I will get over it. Thank you, it should be obvious but I needed a reason not to do it! Hi this is so great. I almost cried, I actually did. Thank you! I needed so much inspiring words to help me re evaluate and love myself more. I'd been i a relationship for about two years and my bf and I just broke up. The relationship was on and off and most of the off times were because he'd broken up with me. One of the things that I tried to figure out and asked him many times were why did he always resort to breaking up with me instead of trying to make the relationship work because that is what you do when you really love someone.

He would always say it was out of anger and he was still here after we'd gotten back together so I shouldn't pay it any mind. I knew when the real break up might come, I would be devastated which I am not because every other time he broke up with my I had a difficult time and struggled. It is so hard for me to cope with this break up because I really love this guy. He was my first with so many things including the first boyfriend I ever really truly loved.

It hurts even more to know that I can't deal with my emotions of this breakup hence having to google an article like this and he is wherever he is just living his life without a worry. It has only been about two days since the breakup but I have been crying none stop and it is hard for me to find motivation to do my simple everyday tasks. What's worst is that I blame myself for getting so wrapped up in a relationship in the first place and honestly it makes me not want to be in a relationship again all in hopes of not having to experience this kind of pain again.

All in all, sorry for the rant but this article helped me fight my urge to call my ex back and I really appreciate that because that is exactly what I needed to hear. I have been that person and called him back several times before and honestly if I hadn't been that person the relationship may not have lasted as long as did.

Thanks for such a wonderful article. Thank you for this. I am only days into a fresh breakup with a man I loved. I lost him and his two children.

I am so heartbroken, shocked, and going through withdrawals- I thought I was going crazy. At least for tonight, you helped me feel strong. And thank you so much girls, for the comment section! You guys made me feel that I am not alone anymore. This is the first day of my 2-year-relationship breakup and it could have been worse without this article.

I hope everyone who reads this will find their power to resist the temptation of the easy way out i. Hi everyone.. Words cannot describe. I cut all contact a month ago after being dumped around 4 months ago. I still dont know if keeping away is the best thing to do but im sticking to it and taking baby steps.

I dont know what else to say except fight and keep fighting. Cry, sob, be miserable. Its all part of the grieving process. I know this is corny but every dark cloud does have a silver lining. Just believe that something good is awaiting.

And its true - why chase someone who cannot see your value? Walking away is by far, the hardest thing i'd ever had to do but its better to do so than to cling on to someone who does not look at you the same way. I thought i had it all - the perfect partner, a comfortable home and the bestest friend i could ever ask for.

We were together for 3 years. Finally, i was told to move on and she needed space. I was willing to do anything to get her back. Only recently did i decide that enough is enough. I wasn't going to let myself linger in that gray area. The hurt and rejection was too much to bear. It still hurts, every single day but at least i walked away with some pride left. Do it for you. For your own healing. It may not seem like it now but it will get better. You feel start to regain control again.

All the best people. Yes, yes and yes. These comments could have been written by me. I began suspecting after a few months something wasn't right. I asked him point-blank on a few occasions if he was married and he not only denied it, one time he became very angry and accuse me of doubting him and his word. I cried and apologized. I fell to my knees and sobbed. He was my sun and I orbited around him.

I have only loved one other man and he cheated on me and broke my heart when he ran off and married her. I am NOT the type of person to take up with another woman's man. Yet, there I was bound to him, held captive by my love. He is finically well off and in some ways I saw him as my rescuer as well as the truest love I've ever had. I couldn't stand being the other woman. It was lonely and caused me to become fixated on him and his attention. I was happy receiving crumbs.

When I would give him grief about his wife he would punish me by giving me the silent treatment. But he would tell me over and over how I was the one he loved the most. He would say that he had never loved anyone like me and that I made him feel alive. He also told me all the time that the person that he was with me: the vibrant, sexy man - was because of me, that I made him that way.

And I believed everything he said. When we would argue about anything or if I said even the tiniest thing that he disagreed with he would break up with me or tell me that I would never change and then I did not know how to handle conflict.

But that wasn't true. I am very empathic and I am a "fair fighter". I was absolutely the nurturing and giving one in the relationship. I was not confrontational but I also brought up issues, like when I would catch him in lies which was often. The silent treatment, the cold treatment… When he did that he would look right through me as if I wasn't there.

I would always cry and tug on his arm and beg him to look at me. I would tell him that I loved him and even in the middle of being upset I still loved him. And I wanted him to love me like that too There was no reason we had to be cruel to each other when we were having an issue. He would look at his phone or stare out the window and make pretend I wasn't even in front of him. It would break my heart and I would plead with him, beg him to hear me. I would kiss his hands, or his back if he had his back to me in bed.

And I would cry and cry. When he would finally talk to me, he would look at me with such coldness. I would ask him how he could not see my heart in that moment, if he had no empathy for me. I could see in his eyes that he did not. In the end he told me that it would take him TWO years to leave his wife. Hwanted me to continue the relationship. But the terms were that I had to not complain about her.

Basically I had to be silent about my hurt. Or figure a way out to not be hurt. It's ironic because one of the things that he complained the most about his wife was that she was dead inside.

She was silent. They didn't talk or communicate. She would come home and sit in the living room and disappear into her laptop or her books on tape and barely spoke to him. She didn't even make funner. I'm starting to believe this was because of him. Especially if he's cheated on her. He claimed I was his only affair but he is a known liar. I now think he had other girlfriends and he talked to other women while he was seeing me. I know he had profiles on different dating sites.

I would check and I saw he'd visit several times every week. I never confronted him because I knew he'd break up with me if I did. In the end he discarded me because I needed too much from him. I couldn't accept his wife, I couldn't accept waiting two years for him to break up with her. I am 15 years younger than his wife.

I take care of myself and I work out. I am an older woman in my late 40's but I feel I look good for my age. One time I asked him if he wouldn't mind throwing a compliment my way. I needed to hear that he wanted and desired me. And it was important to me. He refused. He told me that he would not give me compliments because I asked for them. Another time after we were done arguing I asked him if he still loved me and he became furious with me and gave me the silent treatment again because he said it made him feel like I was calling him a liar.

He had already told me you love me and that should've been enough for me. I was devastated. And I am having to apologize over and over before he would forgive me. Finally came to an end and he broke up with me. I cried for two days straight. But as it is with most narcissists he called me back. We got together again, then he would break up with me.

It was pure hell. Eventually, one night, I simply hung up on him and we never spoke again. We fid email back-and-forth but I finally decided - no contact. It's been over a week and I have not said one word. I am struggling. My heart feels flattened and empty. My days feel grey. But even with the best scenario, the best outcome it still means that he is in my life. I would still be suffering and fighting and being blamed.

Every time he did something crappy to me he turned it around and made it my fault for because I wouldn't shut up and deal with it. I started believing I was stupid, ugly, crazy, needy and had no control. Thank goodness for this article. There's a part of me that keeps yelling that I am fighting for my very life and I need to let him go. I was with a sociopath man on and off for ten years. He would show up when he needed a place to stay and had relationships with women aside from me.

I know that being with him would cause me emotional death yet even though he changed his number and moved on I cannot get past the grief. It has been almost a year and he hasn't called. How can I get thru this without suffering another episode of clinical depression? Please, I hurt so badly and I'm afraid I will never get over him. What do I do? I was hoping to find an inspiring article on why i shouldnt call him and this is hands down the only one that made me feel it in my bones!

Im luvng one guy madly Bt he z nt into me upto nw he likes to tlk with me he used to tease me n he cares me so i confessed my luv to him aftr dat he left me without any reason nt even single wrd i do no y we r nt even tlkng since 4 mnths Bt aftr 4 mnths i mke a cal to him he liftd n mke a convo like as bfr dat nthng hpn btwn us im totally in confusio Bt wt his actual silnce meant fr..

Thank you for the article - and thank you all who have been contributing with your stories! I am recovering from 5 yrs relationship. Today I felt so sad and I missed him so much that I had to google how not to call It feels better to know that we are not alone with our broken hearts. And it is a law of nature to heal as time goes by and we take care of ourselves and each other. Rekindling an old romance is definitely not for everyone, relationship experts say, but the familiarity that exists can lead to possible benefits Credit: Getty Images.

While one of the joys of getting back with an ex is the comfort or familiarity, Kuriansky says that longing for comfort can be misplaced, especially lately as we seem to live amid constant chaos. Kuriansky also advises soliciting the feedback of friends and family before pursuing an ex.

Many may react negatively, especially if the relationship ended badly. Are you kidding? Be ready to confront those memories — not just with yourself and with your loved ones, but with your ex themselves, which can be the hardest part. Many of us may find ourselves longing for a lost love. If we go about it in a realistic, healthy way, it could, possibly, work out — if both people are on the same page. How We Live. The goal here is to regain their attention and have them thinking about you in a positive light again.

Posting a picture of your meal or your Starbucks coffee cup is not going to create any intrigue and your ex or their close contacts will not be talking about you. This is a very fine line and the amount of time that needs to elapse varies from relationship to relationship. Only you will be able to know and feel out how long you want to limit your attention for.

However, to get back with your ex you must meet with them in person, but that can only be achieved through certain strategies which are discussed in The Ex Factor Guide.

The moment you and your ex reconnect in real life after no-contact is certainly the most crucial moment throughout this entire process. If they sense desperation, a lack of authenticity, or deceit when speaking to you, the odds of getting back with your ex are greatly diminished.

Your ex must see that you have genuinely made a change and improved dramatically. They must see you in a good state of mind and should almost be looking up to you. In order for this to be the case, you must actually improve yourself as a human being and work on the things that your ex was not fond of.

You do not want to show up there with dark circles under your eyes, a visible gut, and a new drug addiction. Humans are visual creatures and the vibe you give off is extremely important. If your ex sees you as weak, desperate, embarrassing, and on the brink of a breakdown, you will stand virtually no chance at getting them back. Respect is key when not only reconnecting a relationship, but starting one as well. Absolutely nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone that they do not respect.

Because that is also a real possibility as well. Whatever you do, you must remember that you must not discuss getting back together right off the bat, and especially not over text.

This could mean saying something along the lines of. At some point, you will probably also need to be the one that initiates an in-person meeting. Ideally, these are things you genuinely feel like saying because most people are incredibly good at detecting inauthenticity. A common strategy that many people try using to get back with their ex is to make their ex jealous.

Try your best to do anything that piques their interest, but be careful not to push it too far. The mere fact that you and your ex were once in a relationship together is enough to tell you that you both found one another attractive as a partner and that it can happen once again. Many people hide how they really feel in order to avoid being vulnerable.

The Ex Factor Guide covers all of the strategies that you must know and utilize. The main theme of this article has been to not overdo it. The Fate covers more dating and relationship advice. Instead, improve yourself as a human being and become the type of person that your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend would genuinely want to date.

Whatever the case may be, improving your current situation is the best way to go about winning over your ex. In most cases, you will agree that both you and your ex deserve better. The only real way to achieve that is to both better yourselves as humans before reconnecting on a deeper level. It is also critical to know that not all exes get back together. The only thing you can realistically do is improve your odds of getting back together, but them being closed off to the idea completely is not off the table.

If this happens, the only option you theoretically have is to give it time and focus on what you can do best to move on. Most exes can be won back, but be aware that the situation is not black and white. Tags: Paid Content , Sponsored Content. We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene , and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes.

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