Should i find my father

You may be surprised by what you feel, and so may he. You both need time to reflect on the meeting and think over what you would like to do next. If your father wants to think about the future, you might suggest something small but concrete. For example, you could set up a time to get a cup of coffee and talk again in a few weeks. Set up a support system for yourself. Make sure that the people who love you know about your meeting with your father.

Plan what you will do immediately after the meeting and for the rest of the day. For example, you might plan to call one friend and have dinner with another. Don't plan to return immediately to work or school.

If you are seeing a therapist or counselor, or working with a social worker, schedule a meeting or telephone call to debrief. Part 4. Don't let a disappointing first meeting define the relationship. If your first meeting was disappointing, it can still be worthwhile to maintain contact.

Keep trying to get to know one another. There is no set script for reunions, and it can be a very challenging experience for both fathers and children. A good first meeting can lead to euphoria and a sense of immediate, intense connection. This sense of connection will not last, at least at this level of intensity.

You or your father may need to pull back and reassess as the reality of who you are sinks in. This is a normal part of the reunion process. Establish limits about each other's lives. Children's Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse prevention Go to source Beginning with minimal expectations can help you both to build a stronger, more enduring relationship. You may need to take the lead in establishing those limits, because parents often bring greater expectations to reunions than children do.

Be clear about what kinds of contact are welcome, and what kinds aren't. Perhaps you would like him to call before stopping by, even if you happen to live close by to each other. Or perhaps you would rather have a scheduled telephone call instead of a more casual relationship in which it's ok to call or text anytime.

Allow time for the relationship to develop. Any relationship needs time and space to evolve and deepen. You could schedule a monthly lunch or telephone call, for example, or attend sports or music events occasionally together. Accept the relationship may not deepen or may not last. Perhaps your values or lifestyles are too different, or perhaps he is not capable of maintaining a healthy relationship with you. Don't neglect your childhood family.

Continue to maintain the good family relationships that you already have. The people who raised you might appreciate reassurance that, although you are meeting your father, you still value their unique place in your life. You might also like You might also like. I'm panicking because I'm a teenager and have just found out I'm pregnant. What should I do?

What is wrong? I'm a teenager and I've just had a positive pregnancy test. Where do I start to get help? What can I do? Get the BabyCentre app. Brazil Canada Germany India. Connect with us. This Internet site provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only.

If you have any concerns about your own health or the health of your child, you should always consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional. Please review the Terms of Use before using this site. In most states, you may give your child any first, middle, and last name you like. Whether you are married or not, you don't have to give the baby the last name of either parent if you don't want to, and the child does not have to have the father's last name to be considered "legitimate.

The procedure for naming a baby is simple. A representative of the local health department or similar agency, or a hospital social worker, meets with the new mother in the hospital immediately after the birth and asks her the child's name and some questions about the mother's health and the father's name and occupation.

The mother doesn't have to name the child at this time, though she will probably be urged to do so. The information the mother gives is typed on a form that she signs.

The state then issues a birth certificate, which usually doesn't reveal whether or not the parents are married. If the baby isn't born in a medical facility, the mother or the physician, midwife, or other person assisting in the delivery must notify health officials of the birth. Again, there's no legal requirement that the baby be named at this time, but it's common to do so. In either case, if the mother did not name the baby or did not give the father's identity, it is possible to update the birth certificate later to include that information.

The state Department of Health or Bureau of Vital Statistics in every state will have procedures for adding the father's name to the child's birth certificate or amending the birth certificate to show the child's name. If you are going to be adding the father's name to a birth certificate, most states will require an unmarried father to sign an acknowledgment of paternity.

For information on your state's department of health which will either handle vital statistics or refer you to the state Bureau of Vital Statistics , visit the website of the National Center for Health Statistics NCHS.

The best way to establish the father's paternity is by naming him on the baby's birth certificate. Under U. Department of Health and Human Services regulations, all states must offer unwed parents an opportunity to establish paternity by voluntarily signing an acknowledgment of paternity, either at the hospital or at a later time.

In many states, as a result of political pressure to reduce the number of mothers on welfare by ensuring that there is someone else with an obligation to support the child, hospital personnel will make every effort to get the father to sign the acknowledgment.

In some states, including California, the only way that an unmarried father's name can be placed on a child's birth certificate is if the father signs a voluntary declaration of paternity.

If the father is not present at the hospital following the birth, the mother will not be able to list him as the father on the birth certificate in his absence—the father and mother will instead have to sign the voluntary declaration of paternity at a later time, and have the father's name added to the birth certificate later.

A voluntary declaration of paternity signed by both parents has the same legal effect as a court order, so once it is signed and submitted to the appropriate agency, the father's paternal rights are firmly established.

If you live in a state that requires a voluntary declaration of paternity before placing an unmarried father's name on a birth certificate, and you and your partner split up before the baby is born, you may have to bring a legal action to establish paternity if your ex-partner won't sign the voluntary declaration.

If both you and your partner are present for the birth, and it's clear that your partner is the child's father, it's unlikely that you will be able to leave the hospital without naming the father on the birth certificate or signing a voluntary declaration of paternity. However, if for some reason you do not name the father on the birth certificate or sign a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity at the hospital, then it is essential that you prepare and sign either or an informal "paternity statement.

As discussed above, all states have official forms on which a man can voluntarily acknowledge his paternity of a child. In some states, there is a time limit for signing these forms, but in others there is no time limit, and in many states, the father's signature on the forms acts as a substitute for a court order, officially establishing his parental relationship with the child.

A homemade form will not accomplish the same thing, so before you create one, find out whether you can still sign a voluntary declaration of paternity with the state.

Below is an old photo that my uncle sent me of my dad as child right. The one on the left is me. What do you think? Not having my father in my life has motivated me to be the best father I can be to my four children. My children have also had lots of questions about my father, and they are excited about meeting their newfound aunt, uncle, and cousins. For most of my life, I was missing half of my family tree and am thankful now that I have found it.

Disclaimer: Reference to specific products, services, or companies does not constitute endorsement or recommendation by the U. Publication Date. Schedule time to talk about, investigate, and explore your entire family tree.